I’ve been living in a bubble. Never having come into close contact with a family whose child is autistic is surprising when you see the statistics. It’s the fastest growing developmental disability in the United States today with 1 out of every 150 American children affected by it, and 1 out of 94 boys. Just in case you’re in that bubble with me, let me tell you about this incredible story of Dale, born with autism, the journey he and his parents take and the role a golden retriever named Henry plays in changing their world.
It’s hard to say who touched me more. Was it Dale, the little boy born with autism, or his parents Jamie and Nuala Gardner, as my heart was torn by the gut-wrenching journey they were on, or was it the namesake of this book, a gentle, unassuming dog who came into their life with no way of knowing the impact he would have? It only took the prologue for this book to grab me.
Written from the mother’s perspective in raw, honest and sometimes strong language, Nuala gave me my first real glimpse of a family dealing with this disability, really any disability. There’s nothing ‘warm, fuzzy’ about this book. Rather, it allows us to spend time in their world, getting a close look not only at what day to day life was like, but also the depths of despair they reached, the anger and grieving, and the triumphs that came along now and then. Nuala flings the door to her heart wide open, letting us all see what life with a severely autistic child is like. Most of the book is written from her perspective, but I was also given a glimpse of what Dale was feeling, especially as he got older. The end of the book has snippets written by Dale himself.
Early in the book Nuala shared a scene of attempting to help Dale cross a busy street. Reaching the middle he began to scream, kick, pull her hair and all she could do was sit down astride him, trying to keep him from smashing his head against the concrete. If that wasn’t heartbreaking enough, the real lesson for me was in the responses of those trying to drive down the street. Horns honking, and people yelling out their windows, “That kid needs a da*n good spanking.” “Disgusting behavior.” Autism isn’t usually obvious to the casual eye. As a matter of fact, in spite of being diagnosed as ‘severe classic autism’ none of Dale’s friends ever knew of his disability, even though he eventually was placed in the mainstream high school. It’s easy to miss and misunderstand.
Almost accidentally Dale is exposed to a family member’s dog, and the parents immediately see a connection. With some hesitation they bring home a golden retriever puppy, and amazingly he is the key that unlocks Dale’s world. As he learns to care about, care for Henry, to spend time with him, to bond with him, Dale is literally freed from his solitary world to one of relationships, communication, friends, school, to a functioning level of independence. Possibly the most moving story in the book is when Nuala shares Dale telling her for the very first time that he loves her. Interestingly at just the same time I was reading this book, my own daughter shared with me that her two year old son had spontaneously told her he loved her. “Love u momma.” Nuala waited years for the same expression.
A Friend Like Henry wasn’t written to educate the public. I have to think, after reading it, that it was just lying there down in Nuala’s soul, waiting to come out. She’d lived it and had to share it. Still, it was a tremendous lesson for me, not only to what a parent of a severely disabled child must deal with on a day to day basis, but what goes on within their heart, the reactions they receive, the grief they must journey through, the parenting skills they must conjure up in the midst of heartbreak, discouragement and exhaustion.
Reading this book I realized there are countless people out there, living the life handed to them, loving their child fiercely, doing what they have to do, all the while dealing with loneliness, discouragement, misunderstanding, and a lack of respect or compassion or empathy, sometimes on my part. One point Nuala shared over and over was the vital role friends played in supporting them, often in practical ways. If you know someone who has an autistic child, or one with other disabilities, I would highly recommend reading this book. It will change how you see the world and that’s almost always a good thing.
I’m confident Nuala isn’t asking to be anyone’s hero but I came away with tremendous respect for this family, the tough road they walked, never once loosening their fierce grip on each other’s hands. Here’s a link to a video of the family on You Tube, for an upclose look at this family. The video was made when Dale was a little boy and still deep in his own world.
Bev shares whatever’s on her heart at Scratchin’ the Surface, when she doesn’t have her nose in a book, or isn’t on the phone with someone in her family.
To win one of three copies of A Friend Like Henry Sourcebooks is giving away, leave a comment here. We’ll post the winners on Wednesday September 10.
Editor’s note: Whether or not you have a child with Special Needs, you can peek into the world of families who do. Our sister site 5 Minutes for Special Needs features thoughtful posts from fantastic writers each day.
Erma Hurtt says
This sounds like such a good book.
Heather B says
My oldest is autistic. I would really enjoy reading this book and maybe even find some things to help us out some more
g. l. penrod says
sweet
Kelly M says
Sounds like a great book!
Danny says
I am sure many people can relate to the story line of this book. I hope I win! Looking forward to reading it.
Michelle says
My contact with families dealing with autistic children has been minimal. This book sounds like it would make a huge impact on the reader. I plan on reading it regardless if I happen to win it or not. Thanks for offering this contest.
Jim says
This sounds like a wonderful read. Congrats ahead of time to the lucky winner…and thanks for offering us the chance to win what sounds like a great book.
Missy G. says
Sounds heart wrenching…I hope I am lucky enough to win.
Shelli B. says
Cool contest and it sounds like a good book.
Jodi says
My stepson is autistic, I would really enjoy reading this book.
christal e says
This book looks really good.
Marion B says
Looks like a really good book!
shawna says
Sounds like an excellent book. Would love to read it!
Abby Caulder says
This book sounds awesome I would love to read it!
Linda Moeller says
Please pick me. I love dogs.
Ed Nemmers says
Sweet niblets!
Jean says
This sounds like a good read.
Della says
I would love to read this book.
Marilyn says
would love to read this book
Stacie R. says
This book sounds mesmerizing. Count me in!
Kathy D says
I would love to read this book. I am a teacher and love books about kids…
Jeanne says
Thanks, I’d love to win.
Francine Anchondo says
Thanks for the contest
Alecia Gibson says
This is a great giveaway! I’d love to win! Thank you!!
Denise says
I would love to have this!
Kobi Hendrix says
We could really use this book. Sounds great
kathleen Yohanna says
This sounds like a great book. I wish I had a copy.
Bonnie says
Reading about this book brought back so many mempries of childhood with my dog Freckles. I would love to read this book.
Jeanine Price says
Looks like a great book! Thanks so much for the giveaway!
Roseann Kies says
Looks like something I’d be interested in reading. Thanks for the contest!
Amy Griffin says
I would love to ready this book!
Veronica Garrett says
I would love to win this book.
Linda Howard says
I would love to read this!
Grace says
Good luck!
Carissa D. says
Sounds great. Thanks for the giveaway.
Terri l says
Looks like a book I would enjoy.
Kathy says
I’d like to read this. It sounds like a very moving story and I’m sure I would gain a new awareness of the struggles families dealing with autism face.
Betty C says
I don’t know if I’m ready for such an emotional story.
Jennifer Schroeder says
Wow! This book sounds great! I’d love to read it.
Darlene Wetzel says
A must have. Thanks!
CHERYL A FRANCISCO says
Posting for entry please 🙂
[email protected]
Mary Hoffman says
The Heart,so heavenly blessed,knows no boundaries, no limits,no obstacles.The Heart Truly will go to any length to soothe the soul.
Karen Gonyea says
Sounds so great !
kathy pease says
PLEASE COUNT ME IN ON THIS AWESOME GIVEAWAY 🙂
pamela mccoy says
good contest
Lily Kwan says
Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!
Charlene Kuser says
This book sounds warm and touching.Having a
child who has a disability,I can tell you it
is nice to be able to connect with someone else
who is going through the same thing.Animals
are great they can perceive problems from the
outside looking in.Please enter me and thanks
Donna Kozar says
The book sounds really good.
J Chaborek says
Thank you for this review and bringing the book to my attention, it seems like it is going to be a really great read.
Timothy Sternberg says
This sounds like an emotional book.