What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist Who Tried to Kill your Wife?

David Harris-Gershon and his wife, Jamie, were 2 young Jewish-Americans who decided to further their knowledge of their faith and history by living for a time in Jerusalem and studying Hebrew at the University there. Their plans were dashed when a Hamas terrorist put a bomb in the student cafe. Jamie’s life was spared because she happened to be bending down to get a notebook from her backpack at the exact time of the explosion and table shielded her from the worst of it; her good friends at the same table were killed.

What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist who Tried to Kill Your Wife? is the story of David’s journey into dealing with this event, and the ramifications it has on his and Jamie’s life together, their marriage and eventual children. Jamie spends months in hospital recovering from the attack, and then the 2 eventually return to America. Although obviously the attack has a terrible effect on Jamie herself and leaves her scarred, the book is really David’s own story. When one day he reads an account of the trial and sees that the attacker, Mohammad Odeh, has expressed remorse, he knows he has to try to visit him in prison.

What does it mean to put closure on an event like this? What does each side bring to the equation, both with a history of repression and oppression, a fear of the other, a view of another people as “monsters” with illegitimate claims. Harris-Gershon is a honest investigator, and this book combines a journalistic feel with a very personal story.

His initial research shows that the Israeli government sabotaged historical ceasefire agreements with the Palestinian Authority just days before the attack. But later research shows the attack on the student cafe was planned for days before it actually succeeded. His initial request to meet with Mohammad Odeh is refused; the Israeli Prison Authority claims that the prisoner himself has refused the invitation. However, Mohammad Odeh’s family–his mother, brother and wife–all say that Mohammad has told them he’d like to meet with David. David hits roadblock after roadblock in his efforts to find out more about the trial, until he suddenly finds people who bend the rules a bit to help him. And this, I think, is in many ways the triumph of the book. On both sides, there are good people and bad people, people who want to help others and people who want to hurt others. Harris-Gershon’s research shows why each side feels they have a historic right to the land, and the injustice that has been done to the Palestinians. During his brief foray into East Jerusalem to meet the terrorist’s family, he is filled with fear. He even brings a small knife, and constantly pictures himself being kidnapped. Instead he finds streets of normal people trying to lead normal lives, and a family who serves him tea and thanks him for coming to see them–not monsters after all.

Harris-Gerson’s definition of forgiveness is different than mine. For him, forgiveness means saying that the thing forgiven was okay, not a big deal. My definition is that the forgiving person decides not to hold the action against the offender, but never negates or diminishes the pain caused. So although Harris-Gerson is clear that he is in no way seeking to forgive the offender (by his definition), I think it is only through forgiveness and reconciliation that peace can come, and I think the author has done much, in his own small way, to bring this about (small as in he is only one individual, let me clarify). What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist who Tried to Kill Your Wife? is more than simply a gripping memoir that takes the reader on a journey with one much affected by violence. It is also an important book, showing that while there is no easy way out of a conflict that rages on, affecting the lives of millions (not just Israelis and Palestinians, but many others throughout the Arab world and even in America), there can nonetheless be hope and reconciliation, and a way forward is possible.

Highly, highly recommended.