The Household Guide to Dying

How many books have you read about dying? Let me be clear– not books about death, as in a main character dies and the plot revolves around the resulting effects of his or her passing, but books about the process of dying itself? For me the answer is really simple- none. I can’t say that it’s a topic that I’m particularly fond of contemplating– not for myself or my loved ones. I have healthy young children and doing-just-fine middle-aged parents, so I have the luxury of not really being forced to confront anyone’s impending mortality any time soon hopefully. So when I was offered the book The Household Guide to Dying, my first reaction was, “Um, I think I’ll pass.” I’m so glad that I resisted my urge to continue to avoid this topic, even in literary form, because Debra Adelaide has written one incredibly poignant, gripping, gut-wrenching, and yes- even humorous book, and I’m grateful to have added this character to my collection.

Delia, of Dear Delia fame, (imagine a household advice columnist and author who combines the practicality of “Heloise Hints” mixed with a substantial dash of snark and wit) is dying, and being the organized and prepared person that she is, she decides to bring a purpose to her experience by adding one final title to the list of Household Guides she has written over the years. She has already tackled The Garden and The Kitchen in previous editions, among other universal themes, so why not Dying? As she faces her imminent demise from a cancer that refuses to bow to a slew of treatments, she funnels the energy she has left into making preparations for her family, tying up some of those figurative loose ends, and of course, creating one last ultimate Guide.

While that may sound like a spoiler-filled summary, believe me when I say that I have given nothing away, honestly. This story is intricately woven so as to present the reader with little nuggets of information at various times in the narrative that all fit together neatly by the end. I usually get somewhat annoyed with books that seem to unnecessarily flit through time through flashbacks or irregular jumps, but as this book meandered through time, I saw it as a completely natural way to tell this particular story. Being in the present one moment, and then portraying events from fourteen years previous worked for this novel precisely because the author is simulating the experience of being inside a woman’s head as she peruses her memories in an attempt to find closure in relation to the major events of her life.

It’s a well-documented fact that I am a ‘crier’ when it comes to books and movies that portray even an ounce of tender emotions, so it will come as no surprise that I used a fair share of tissues for this one. However, it should be noted that I also chuckled almost as frequently. What I found most remarkable about the book as a whole was that I would be reading along, enjoying the distinctively straightforward voice of Delia as narrator, when BANG- a passage would literally knock the wind right out of me, and if I had thought that the previous part was sad or poignant or touching, the latest section magnified those characteristics tenfold. While it is undeniable that this novel is filled with pain and loss, there is an unmistakable joy and gratitude that is palpable as well. Debra Adelaide has created a beautiful novel that swells with emotion and self-reflection, and Delia is a character who will live long in my memory.

Enter a comment if you’d like to win a book (U.S. residents only). We’ll announce the winner next week.

Sad, humorous, silly, and thought-provoking books line the shelves of Dawn’s small home, along with the dried-out sippy cups and wayward Goldfish crackers of her children. Her blog, my thoughts exactly, is surprisingly neat and organized, though.