If I told you to close your eyes and describe to me what first comes to mind when I say the word “brat,” what would you say? Would you picture a tantrum-throwing and demanding child, a la Roald Dahl’s Veruca Salt? Or perhaps a whining child who refuses to do anything for himself, insisting upon adult intervention and assistance at all times? Or maybe even a completely self-absorbed child who offers no contributions toward her family’s responsibilities and well-being?
These stereotypical examples are only a few of the potential connotations of the word “brat,” and quite honestly, they also demonstrate what any child can be like sometimes. (Please don’t tell me I’m alone on that observation of my own kids!) As a parent, the idea of raising a “brat” is horrifying, and I assume this is one of those rare parenting topics in which most people can generally agree, even if we all have varying definitions. A new book by Betsy Brown Braun, You’re Not the Boss of Me: Brat-Proofing Your 4- to 12-Year-Old Child, attempts to break down the idea of brattiness to its individual components. Braun then offers solid advice on how to instill the traits and values that will fend off the bratty behavior we very much wish to avoid.
Like other quality parenting tomes, Braun puts great emphasis on parental communication and behavior, which has an undeniably strong effect on how our children behave in turn. In addition, she calls attention to the traits of empathy, independence, responsibility, respect, honesty, self-reliance, gratitude, and humor, and the impact these qualities can have on a child’s growing sense of self, as well as his developing decision making skills. I found much of this advice to be familiar from my own decade’s worth of experience reading parenting books, but I definitely can appreciate the purpose toward which Braun is putting it all together. While I know that I should be more patient at times and allow my two year old to do things for himself (even when I could complete the job more effectively in 1/10 of the time!), I like the reminder that if I repeatedly intervene, I am helping to create the mindset that he does not have to learn to put his jacket on, because Mommy will swoop in and do it for him– NOT the expectation that I want to establish!
At times in the book, Braun gives specific ages at which she determines, or she states is generally accepted, that children can do certain tasks, such as walking to school independently or staying home alone. I hesitate to assign very specific ages in this way, personally, because I feel they do not take into consideration the particular individual characteristics of different children. For example, my nine year old has been riding public transportation and crossing large, busy intersections independently for about a year now, which is a younger age than Braun lays out here, but my husband and I, along with my son, determined that he was ready for this responsibility because of his extensive experience as a pedestrian and public bus rider accompanied by adults throughout this childhood, and as a result knew how to navigate these situations safely and responsibly. Rather than stick to specific age suggestions, I personally would advise parents to use them as a part of general assessments of children’s readiness for certain activities and responsibilities.
There is clearly no shortage of parenting guides on the bookstore shelves, but I’m quite pleased to be able to add You’re Not the Boss of Me to my own personal collection as a comprehensive, accessible and easily applicable book of guidance and information to assist me in my efforts to raise respectful and responsible children- no Veruca Salts in my family, please!
- Disclosure: I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by
- on behalf of HarperCollins and received a copy of
- to facilitate my review. Mom Central also sent me a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate.
Dawn loves to share funny stories about her children on her blog, my thoughts exactly, including those that can be sometimes described as tantrumy and whiny… she’ll be regularly re-reading this book for assistance.
Christine says
Ooh, I think I should read this. The 4-year-old is really terrible about things like putting on his shoes and socks. I end up doing it for him because I’m the one who cares if we go out: he’d quite happily stay at home, barefoot – so I have no leverage. I live in fear of raising a classic mama’s boy, though, who can’t do a thing for himself. Then nobody will ever take him off my hands 😉
Dawn says
@Christine: I like how you think, Christine! With my oldest, on his birthday last summer, I distinctly remember thinking “9 down, 9 to go.” 🙂
Jennifer (5 Minutes for Books) says
Yeah–I see glimpses of bratty behavior here all too often. I don’t like it, but I think that my own lazy parenting causes it.
Dawn says
@Jennifer (5 Minutes for Books): You know me, potential parenting book addict, but still so much in need of guidance!! This is a good one, I’d recommend it for what would probably be a very quick read for you.